Nazi zombies are eveywhere these days.

There’s a trailer out for yet another film to feature Nazi Zombies.

http://www.movie-list.com/trailers.php?id=deadsnow

I’m not complaining, keep the undead reich coming. I just wonder was it says about society.

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus

I think the title pretty much says everything there is to say about this film. Here’s the trailer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa7ck5mcd1o

You’ve got to love that last shot.

“Holy sh-”

Bam. Well played. You’ll get my money, if you’re released in a real cinema.

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The New Trailer for Sherlock Holmes

Well, the trailer for the Guy Ritchie remaining of Sherlock Holmes is now available on the interweb. You can find it on Youtube or on Traileraddict so if you want to open a new tab and quickly tap ‘Holmes’ and ‘trailer’ into Google then I’ll wait patiently here until you’ve come back from watching it.

Seen it? Good.

What in the name of sodomy was that? I was braced for the fact that this version was going to be  less cerebral, have a greater emphasis on action and make Holmes a more rough and tumble detective. Fine, that’s cool. I accept that a completely analytical Holmes might be a bit dry for a feature length film. The prospect of the excellent Robert Downey the younger being able to take the character and make him into some sort of sardonic, Victorian Han Solo was actually appealing. The beginning of the trailer seemed to be a prelude to good things. It’s moody, it’s got a tantalizing glimpse of the back of Holmes’ head, it’s got a glimpse of a pentagram and an underground meeting place. Then we see the man himself and one second later he leaps from his chair and out of the window with a sound effect that’s been stolen from Bugs Bunny.

A second look reveals that the noise is actually made by a gunshot, but look at him diving out of the houses of parliament again and tell me that it didn’t make you think of the Road Runner. Maybe it was badly edited for the trailer, and it’s not much of an indication of an entire film’s worth. But whenever Holmes wielded dual nightsticks like Jet Li, or had a Inspector Gadget lock picking kit, or was bare chested in boxing pit, or was fighting a giant armed with a hammer, my heart sank a little. I mean a GIANT, with a massive hammer? It didn’t really feel right in ‘Troy’ when Eric Banana had to fight a giant with a massive hammer, but at least that was on an ancient battle field. Oh Jesus wept, there’s slow motion in the boxing scenes. You are not Zach Snyder, you never will be, nor should you aspire to be. One Snyder is enough. Now we’ve established this please take out the pointless slowdowns.

I’m not going to completely bash this trailer. Actually there’s a lot I liked. Robert Downey Jr. is typically good in the lead role, with all the best bits in it being his impeccable comic acting. You’ve got to love the smile on his face when he’s chained to the bed (alright, you don’t have to, but you should).  Some of the action seemed alright (slow motion being forgivable when there’s an explosion on screen) and I’m always a fan of dressing Rachel Mcadams in a corset.

However, I was left a little worried by this trailer (mainly, I’ll admit, due to the slow motion). I had thought that Ritchie could redeem himself, that he couldn’t possibly ruin a film with Downey the second in it. But there were just too many things a little off for me to feel comfortable. Maybe I’m just being overly wary. What do you guys think?

‘Let The Right One In’ review

          The vampire genre is one of surprisingly few high points, especially in the realm of horror. The concept’s oft-exploited sexuality has shifted focus away from its potential for sheer bone-chilling terror. Let The Right One In (Låt den rätte komma in) however, manages to skilfully combine the two factors so originally that it breathes freshness into the vampire and indeed entire horror genre. Such originality may well stem from this being Swedish director Tomas Alfredson’s first venture into the genre, yet he would surely agree that this is much more than simply a horror film.
          An adaptation of the John Ajvide Lindqvist novel of the same name, the film transcends its genre in two ways. Firstly, it features two children of truly exceptional dramatic and emotional ability as its protagonists: a twelve year-old schoolboy named Oskar (Kåre Hedebrant) and a vampire of indeterminate age (two-hundred in the novel) named Eli (Lina Leandersson) who moves in next door to Oskar prompting an ambiguous romance. Secondly, it pushes the vampire concept further than ever before. A particularly memorable scene depicts exactly what happens when a vampire enters a home uninvited, breaking the rule referred to by the story’s title, yet anchors the event in relatable human emotion without descending into novelty. Like all good treatments of supernatural or super-heroic faculties, the film shows just what life would be like for a vampire such as Eli, in the real world that such a person supersedes: a world full of banality, chance and every day human habits and (inter)actions.
          This is not to say that vampiric violence is not dealt with in spectacular fashion. The blood flows thick and fast contrasting beautifully with the leads’ fragile, innocent visages and the snow-covered setting of cold, industrial suburb ‘Blackeberg’. Set-pieces that detail how vampires quench their thirst in a modern city and how this affects those around them are as graphic and shocking as they are intriguing and innovative. Critics trumpeting the film as ‘not really about being a vampire’ are misguided. Sure there are other themes at play, such as childhood influences and relationships, or crime and the city. But the film’s real strength is in engaging with the vampire myth so expansively, while also presenting a timeless love story amid gritty, modern issues. Aside from some clumsy asides about Eli’s gender, the myth becomes entirely believable and sympathetic, as well as provocative and erotic.

            Both music and cinematography are flawless; both glow with a teasing, shimmering light that gently illuminates the thawing of icy scenery and subject matter. But it is the story and the acting you will remember long after viewing, the latter accentuating the former’s depth in a way at once nostalgic, mythical, poignant, and harrowing.

Scene from an alternate universe

A sneak peek at an exciting new project from Jess Apatow!

INT. FRONT ROOM:

(An average-looking woman with a few extra pounds on her and a haphazard approach to personal grooming slumps on the sofa. She is playing Super Smash Bros with fierce concentration. A vision of masculine perfection enters, with thighs like young oaks, shoulders like a rugby-playing superhero, and kindly concern radiating from his noble profile.)

MAN: Sweetheart—

LADY: Wait. Hang on. Die, you neon bastard. OK. What?

MAN: I think it’s time to take our relationship to the next level.

LADY: You mean—

MAN: Yes. For some reason I love you, despite barely tolerating your stagnant extended adolescence of a lifestyle. It’s time, darling. We can’t truly be together until you have that all-important epiphany. Until I inspire you to fulfil your potential, to face some facts about yourself and learn and grow as a result.

LADY: Sounds like it’s gonna be tough.

MAN: You’ll have your ragtag group of wacky friends to help you along the way. And I’ll be here to nurture you and motivate you and look really hot. You may be like an oddball teenager, but I’m like a responsible parent! That’s the way good balanced relationships work.

LADY: Cool.

MAN: And I was wondering…

LADY: Yeah?

MAN: Maybe sometimes I could get funny lines?

LADY: No. I don’t think so.

Review Stealing…

As I just became the co-editor of X-Media Online’s features section (xmedia.ex.ac.uk/features) I would very much like to steal the occasional review from the wealth of talent contributing to our lovely blog. They would usually have to be cut down a bit and edited but it’d be a good way to spread some good writing further.

How do people feel about this? How about: if you’re fine with it, don’t reply, and anyone who isn’t / would rather I asked permission before using a particular review, let me know and all will be well 🙂

MST3K

If you’re wondering, the acronym above does not stand for ‘Meticulously Strength Testing 3 Koalas’. No, it stands for ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’ arguably one of the best comedies to come bursting out of the tail end of the ’80s and streak into the late ’90s.

Disturbing metaphors aside, ever wondered whilst appreciating such masterpieces as Reservoir Dogs, No Country for Old Men and Twilight what the other side of things is like? Where do those B-movies that are so bad that they cause you to go blind for short periods of time go?

Arguably the worst movie of all time. Don't believe me? Watch it. I dare you.

MST3K is where. The brainchild of comedian Joel Hodgson, MST3K was a perfect mix of improvised props, sets, characters (yes, characters) and hilarious but surprisingly inoffensive comedy.

Loosely based around a plot where the crew of the ‘Satellite of Love’ (one lonely guy and his robot pals) are forced to endlessly watch cheesy movies by various evil ne’er-do-wells, MST3k took some of the worst (bar none) of these ever to seep out of the film

From left to right: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, Gypsy and Crow. Not pictured: Godzilla.

industry during the ’50s to the ’70s and proceeded to mercilessly riff on them, braving the murky swamps of B-movie territory to bring the comedy gold. You can find loads of stuff on youtube, so go forth and view!

Bad movies have never been so good.

Do yourself a favour and take some time to invest in some good, wholesome nerd culture.*

*Back to the Feature Accepts no responsibility for injuries sustained during viewing. Symptoms of the viewing of B-movies include temporary blindness, vomiting and stress hernias.

Coming to you live from a small dive in Exeter…

Hey!

Name’s Will-aka Flapjacks- and I’ve (finally) got my act together and set up an account to blog on this web-log (also called ‘blog’).

Expect some vaguely interesting stuff sometime in the future…

Yeah.

Will out.

Star Trek. Compact review.

I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.
Nostalgic one liners aside, that was a very silly film. Trying too hard to be Star Wars and Battlestar, but with Leonard Nimoy hissing through his dentures. Ew.
Marcus and Nicola will update something serious I’m sure. This was also posted on film is good too…don’t worry, I’m not stealing.

Knowing review

I love disaster films. Car chases that end by triumphantly taking out a helicopter, familiar landmarks  exploding into fireballs or at the very least falling over, overcome by the threat that leaves us all powerless; snow, and we can be guaranteed that at least one person’s expensive mobile will be rendered utterly useless.  But through all the plot devices and special effects, there will be suspense, heroism and excitement, the fate of the entire world may rest on one (usually good-looking) person’s shoulders but there is lots of fun to be had while you are watching it all for half price on an orange Wednesday.

 Sadly  “Knowing” will not be added to my collection of essential disaster film viewing. It has aliens, it has obscure biblical references that leave you with mountains of googling to do, it has explosions and it has the required teary bit promising that no matter what happens Jack, we’ll never let go but sadly, no-one cares. Nicholas cage certainly doesn’t. The problem with knowing when you are going to die is that there is still nothing you can do about it other than clock watch which is exactly what I did with this film, waiting for it to give up the ghost.

“Knowing” begins with the burial of a time capsule (which I have discovered the American’s pronounce differently, which was very distracting) to celebrate the opening of a new school. 50 years later the capsule is dug up and most of the kids get a 50 year old picture of a spaceship. Pretty boring, although as it turns out, a prophecy in itself. Caleb however, the somewhat pointlessly not really deaf son of one depressed alcoholic widowed Nicholas Cage, gets a page full of numbers which he finds fascinating until sudoku is offered as an alternative. The numbers turn out to be a correct prediction of all the major disasters for the next fifty years including 3 yet to happen.

The first of these three disasters involve the only exciting special effects of the entire film including the impressive skill of the apparently petrified police officer who sees the falling plane approaching from completely the wrong angle. The insight into the immediate aftermath of the disaster was original and effective although why no-one ever stops, drops and rolls when on fire is a source of constant irritation. The second disaster repeated what Die Hard 3 did to subways only with less feeling and the third disaster ended the world.

Who knew the final end would be so boring? Perhaps because the continuation of human life had already been sorted thanks to a pair of white rabbits and a jazzy spaceship, the rest of the world accepted their fate. What was missing here was essentially what was being wiped out, the human element. “Armageddon”, “Independence day”, “I am Legend”, all work because a person watches their end approach and we watch them watching their end approach, and are affected on their behalf. Knowing loses this. The survivors have already been beamed up, Cage has made up with his dad just in time for a final hug and as the searing hot fire consumes everything in an lengthy scene of destruction, we just don’t care. We knew it was coming.

In its quest to add a deeper, thought-provoking level to the disaster formula, Knowing loses sight of the essential cheese element that makes these kind of films really work, hope. We are offered a tiny slice of last christmas’ wensleydale with the final image of a big tree with the chosen children running happily towards it. But for the rest of us there was never any hope, hiding underground in caves wouldn’t save us and so we don’t even try. What we try hard to recognise as a chance of new love and the romantic element of the film is nothing more than 2 single parents driving their children towards the spaceship they aren’t allowed onto and as Cage never really cares about talking to his dad until there is no other option their final hug is borne out of inevitable acceptance rather than real regret.

 Ultimately “Knowing” needed to spend more time creating a sense of danger and a futile fight against the inevitable fatal outcome and less time working out why it was they were all going to die. There is no race against of time if you are never going to make it through whether you believe in determinism or otherwise. Knowing when the world will end won’t stop it from happening, some things are just better left unknown.